my favorite season is summer, because it's hot and sunny. i can wear my favorite shorts and t-shirts. also, during the summer holiday, i don't have to go to school, so i can stay at home all day playing video games or watching tv. sometimes, my family and i go on trips. last summer, we went to the beach, where i swam in the ocean and built sandcastles. it was so much fun.

one day, i saw a dog running in the park. i chased after it, but it was too fast for me. suddenly, i tripped over a stone and fell down. my knee hurt a lot, but i didn't cry. instead, i got up and continued playing with my friends. that day, i learned that even if i get hurt, i shouldn't give up easily.

in the evenings, i like to sit outside with my grandpa, listening to him tell stories about his childhood. his stories are always interesting, even though sometimes they don't make complete sense. he says things like, 'back then, we had no electricity, only fireflies lit our way at night.' i don't really understand how that's possible, but i enjoy hearing him talk.

老師點(diǎn)評(píng)

the essay showcases a personal narrative and a childlike perspective, capturing the essence of a young student's writing. however, there are a few grammatical errors and inconsistencies that need attention. for instance, the sentence about the dog and the stone could be clearer, and the part about grandpa's stories lacks coherence.

星級(jí)等級(jí)：三星

亮點(diǎn)分析

the author successfully conveys their love for summer and shares an engaging anecdote about getting hurt. the inclusion of a family trip and the interaction with grandpa adds depth to the narrative.

優(yōu)化和改進(jìn)

while the essay has its charm, refining the language and clarifying certain sections will enhance its quality. for example, the part about the dog could be rephrased to provide more context: 'one day, while playing in the park, i noticed a playful dog sprinting around. eager to join in, i chased it, but my excitement led me to overlook a hidden stone, causing me to stumble and fall.'

修改后范文

my most cherished season is summer, as it brings warmth and radiant sunshine. during this time, i relish wearing my lightweight shorts and vibrant t-shirts. the best part is the summer vacation, when i'm free from academic responsibilities and can indulge in leisure activities like gaming or enjoying tv shows. one memorable adventure was our family trip to the seashore last year. there, i reveled in swimming through the waves and constructing sandcastles along the shoreline, creating unforgettable moments.

an incident that taught me resilience occurred one afternoon when i attempted to catch a wandering dog in the park. my enthusiasm outpaced my caution, and i stumbled upon a concealed rock, tumbling to the ground. despite the pain in my knee, i chose not to shed tears but instead gathered my strength and rejoined my playmates, realizing that perseverance is key.

evenings are often spent sitting with my grandfather, who regales me with tales from his youth. although some narratives seem implausible, like living without electricity and relying on fireflies for light, his storytelling captivates me and fosters a sense of wonder.

閱讀參考

for improving this piece, students should refer to english grammar textbooks, focusing on sentence structure and clarity. reading stories or essays by authors like roald dahl or enid blyton can inspire a balance between simplicity and depth in storytelling. additionally, studying descriptive language in課文如《春天的故事》和《海邊的一天》將有助于提升文筆的生動(dòng)性。

相關(guān)詩(shī)句

1. 伯鸞長(zhǎng)嘯出東都，來(lái)卜龍邱二畝居。千歲仍昆作英語(yǔ)，五噫文采尚周馀。胸中萬(wàn)卷未得力，堂下一言誰(shuí)識(shí)渠。我亦微官方冷甚，恨無(wú)燕玉可相噓。

老師評(píng)語(yǔ)：