my name is tom, and i love travelling. it's like an adventure, always taking me to new places with exciting stories to tell. once, i went to paris, and it was... well, it was so good that i couldn't believe my eyes! the eiffel tower was taller than i thought, and the louvre museum had paintings that were older than my grandma.
in italy, i tasted pizza for the first time. it was like a party in my mouth, with all those flavors dancing together. i didn't know food could be so much fun! but remember, not everything went smoothly. i got lost in rome once, and my italian wasn't as good as i thought. i ended up asking a cat for directions, which was funny but not very helpful.
then there was the time in japan. the cherry blossoms were so pretty, but i kept calling them 'cherry tomatoes' by mistake. the locals smiled politely, but i could see they were confused. and let's not forget about the onsen, or hot springs. i accidentally wore my swimsuit, and everyone stared at me. oops!
traveling teaches me so much, but it's not always easy. i learn new languages, cultures, and even myself. it's like a big, open book with lots of pages to turn. i can't wait to see what other chapters life has in store for me.
老師評語：
tom's essay showcases his enthusiasm for travel in a light-hearted and personal manner. however, there are some grammatical errors and inconsistencies that need addressing. for instance, using 'it was so good that i couldn't believe my eyes' sounds a bit informal, and describing the louvre's paintings as 'older than my grandma' may not convey their historical significance accurately. also, asking a cat for directions and wearing a swimsuit in an onsen are charming anecdotes, but the narrative could benefit from more reflection on these experiences.
內(nèi)容亮點：
the narrative voice is engaging, and the use of personal anecdotes adds a touch of humor and uniqueness to the piece. the author skillfully captures the joy and mishaps of travel, making the essay relatable and enjoyable.
優(yōu)化參考：
to enhance the essay, the author could polish the language and provide more depth to the cultural encounters. for example, instead of simply stating the eiffel tower's height, he could describe its grandeur in detail. reflecting on the lessons learned from the cultural misunderstandings would also enrich the narrative.
批改后作文
as tom, i'm captivated by the allure of travel, each journey unfolding like a thrilling tale. in paris, the eiffel tower stood majestically against the skyline, a testament to human ingenuity. the louvre museum, a treasure trove of history, held within its walls masterpieces that spoke volumes across centuries.
in italy, i savored my first authentic pizza, its flavors harmoniously blending, igniting a symphony on my taste buds. yet, my linguistic limitations led to a humorous misadventure when i mistakenly referred to cherry blossoms as 'cherry tomatoes.' these moments of self-discovery, though embarrassing, taught me the importance of cultural sensitivity and adaptability.
in japan, the delicate beauty of the cherry blossoms left me mesmerized, while the onsen experience offered a lesson in tradition. dressed inappropriately, i inadvertently disrupted the serenity of the moment, reminding me of the need to respect local customs.
traveling, for me, is a living, breathing textbook, each page brimming with new insights and self-growth. despite the challenges, i eagerly anticipate the next chapter, knowing that every misstep is a stepping stone towards understanding our diverse world better.
作文寫作素材：
閱讀參考
for improving this type of writing, one might delve into travelogues such as bill bryson"s "a walk in the woods" or mark twain"s "the innocents abroad". reading textbooks on world cultures and etiquette can also broaden understanding, while studying grammar guides like "the blue book of grammar and punctuation" can refine language skills. additionally, practicing descriptive writing exercises can help enhance the vividness of the narrative.
