title: protecting our animal friends
animals are like our little friends on earth, they're so cute and funny sometimes. i remember when i was a kid, i had a pet rabbit named snowball. it used to hop around the garden, munching on carrots. animals make our world colorful, but some people don't treat them well. they hunt them for their fur or ivory, which is so sad.
once, i saw a video where a polar bear was struggling on melting ice. it made me cry. we humans cause global warming, and the poor bear's home is disappearing. if we keep doing this, there won't be any animals left. we should protect them like we protect our toys, because once they're gone, we can't just buy another one from a store.
i heard that zoos help protect endangered species, but sometimes i wonder if it's fair to keep them in cages. maybe we should find a way to let them live freely, but also safe from hunters. just like how we have rules in school, we need rules for protecting animals too.
in my city, there's a park where you can see birds and squirrels running free. it's such a happy sight. but sometimes, people litter, and it's dangerous for the animals. we should always clean up after ourselves, not only for the animals but for the environment as a whole.
老師評語：
the essay demonstrates a genuine affection for animals and a sincere concern for their welfare. however, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that detract from the overall message. for instance, 'if we keep doing this, there won't be any animals left' could be rephrased to maintain a more consistent verb tense. also, the transition from zoos to personal responsibility could be smoother.
內(nèi)容亮點：
the author successfully captures a childlike perspective, evoking emotions through personal anecdotes. the comparison of animals to toys highlights the need for care and preservation. the mention of a local park adds a real-life touch to the narrative.
優(yōu)化參考：
the paragraph about zoos could be refined to clarify the writer's stance. instead of simply questioning the fairness, a suggestion could be made, e.g., 'while zoos play a role in conservation, perhaps we should strive for more natural wildlife reserves.'
批改后作文
title: cherishing our animal companions
animals, like snowball, my childhood rabbit, bring joy and vitality to our lives. their presence is a testament to the richness of our planet. however, witnessing a polar bear battling the consequences of climate change stirred a deep sorrow within me. it's a stark reminder that our actions have dire implications.
zoos, while assisting in conservation efforts, raise ethical concerns. can captivity truly replicate the freedom these creatures deserve? perhaps we should advocate for sanctuaries that mimic their natural habitats while providing safety from poachers. rules and education, akin to those in our schools, are crucial for animal welfare.
in the heart of my city lies a park, bustling with free-roaming wildlife. it's a delightful scene, yet spoiled by careless littering. this underscores the importance of environmental stewardship – every individual's actions impact the lives of these creatures.
作文寫作素材：
閱讀參考
for further improvement, consider reading "charlotte"s web" by e.b. white for a nuanced portrayal of human-animal relationships. also, explore environmental texts like "silent spring" by rachel carson to understand the interconnectedness of ecosystems and the need for conservation. lastly, studying grammar exercises in textbooks will aid in refining sentence structure and eliminating errors.
