protecting the environment: our shared responsibility

when i walk outside, i see trash scattered everywhere, like colorful confetti that nobody wants. it makes me sad because nature is our home, and we're treating it like a playground without any rules. i remember playing in the park with my friends, the green grass beneath our feet, the blue sky above, but now, it's not the same anymore. the air smells funny, and the river near my house used to be clear, now it's... well, let's just say it's not a sight for sore eyes.

we all know why this is happening, don't we? people are too busy, too caught up in their lives to think about what they're throwing away. they forget that everything we do affects the earth. i mean, we can't just keep using plastic bags like they're endless. they end up in the ocean, harming those poor turtles who mistake them for food. and the factories, oh, they belch smoke into the air as if it's no big deal. but it is! it's making the air we breathe dirty.

i've started doing my part. i recycle, i use cloth bags instead of plastic, and i try to convince my family to do the same. but it feels like a drop in the ocean sometimes. what we really need is for everyone to understand that protecting the environment isn't someone else's job, it's ours. we're all in this together, like a big team. if we don't work together, our 'home' will become unlivable.

i believe we can make a difference. maybe not overnight, but little by little. just imagine if every person picked up one piece of litter a day, how clean our streets would be! and if we all planted a tree, imagine the oxygen we'd have!

so, let's start today. let's be kinder to the earth, because it's the only one we've got. remember, even the smallest actions can lead to big changes. it's not about being perfect, it's about trying.

老師點評

the essay showcases a sincere concern for the environment, though the narrative is slightly disjointed at times. there are minor grammatical errors and sentence structures that could be refined for clarity. for instance, 'it makes me sad because nature is our home, and we're treating it like a playground without any rules' is a powerful statement, but 'the air smells funny' might benefit from a more specific description. also, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother.

星級等級 - 四星

亮點分析

the writer's personal touch and vivid imagery, such as comparing litter to 'colorful confetti,' show a unique perspective. their call to action is genuine and relatable, encouraging individual responsibility.

優(yōu)化和改進

some sections, like the mention of factories, could be expanded upon for a clearer understanding of the problem. the paragraph on individual actions could be more structured, possibly using examples to illustrate the impact.

修改后范文

title: our shared duty: safeguarding the environment

strolling through my neighborhood, i'm often disheartened by the litter that litters the sidewalks, a stark contrast to the pristine beauty of nature. it's a poignant reminder that our planet, our home, is suffering due to our thoughtless actions. i recall the days when the park was a verdant haven, its grass lush and the sky a brilliant blue. regrettably, those scenes have faded.

our neglect is evident. busy lifestyles often overshadow our consideration for waste disposal. plastic bags, once a convenience, now pose a dire threat to marine life. turtles, unaware, ingest them, leading to fatal consequences. moreover, factories emit toxic fumes, polluting the air we breathe.

i've taken steps towards change, recycling diligently, opting for reusable bags, and advocating for eco-friendly practices within my family. however, individual efforts, while commendable, feel insufficient. the challenge requires collective action, a unified front against environmental degradation. each one of us must recognize that safeguarding the environment is a shared responsibility, not an individual burden.

imagine if every person committed to picking up a single piece of litter daily or if every household planted a tree – the transformation would be remarkable. it's not about achieving perfection; it's about contributing positively.

let's embark on this journey together, nurturing our planet with love and care, for it is the only home we have.

閱讀參考

- 'the lorax' by dr. seuss

- 'silent spring' by rachel carson

- environmental science textbooks

- 'an inconvenient truth' by al gore

- 'the sixth extinction' by elizabeth kolbert

the revised essay maintains the original sentiment while refining the structure and language, ensuring a more cohesive flow. by adding details and structuring the arguments, the piece becomes more persuasive and informative.

老師評語：